In the beginning, we spent hours texting each other, about funny stories, had deep talks about real things. I appreciated that you recognized I was still working through things from my past. We both recognized we were very different, but the way we connected made it feel like this was “meant to be.” We both decided that no matter what came our way, we wanted to stick by each other. You quickly became my best friend.
And then what happened… why did everything change?
It was like a switch had flipped. There were no longer conversations about things we disagreed on, but an argument because you didn’t want to hear me out. This led to your numerous angry outbursts which I would then end up forgiving you for your harsh words and rude comments. I started making excuses for your actions, and tried to tell myself “this time, it’ll change.” I desperately tried to make you happy, but it was hard when I was constantly walking on eggshells. I gave you second and third chances… hoping that it might go back to how it was in the beginning.
Before you would run miles just to see me. And now I have to wait for a single message. I don’t know if you know or not, without you breathing is like choking. Its suffocating. Maybe you’re happy with your life. But have you thought about me? The silence that surrounds me because you don’t care anymore? I feel like this silence will make me deaf one day.
Before, when you didn’t have time for me, i used to cry thinking for hours where did I go wrong? And how do I bring you back to me? But now… Its all strange now. I feel nothing. Nothing makes me happy, nothing makes me sad, its a void, a vast one. I had dreams made about us. You broke each and everyone of them. And sadly, when dreams break there is no noise. So no one ever knew what happened. Neither did you. Because you never really wanted to know. You just left.
You poisoned me. Slowly. Now this heart is so toxic that I have no idea how I am going to cure myself. How am I going to get myself from this void?
But its not the worst part. The worst part is you never tried to make me happy. And that broke me most.
Author: Snigdha Roy